The things I (sometimes) think as a Mum – but don’t say

I’m pretty sure this little lot don’t only apply to me…

Hopefully not anyway!

  1. On being handed a sticky, slightly dog-eared, ‘hand iced’ biscuit from nursery…

‘Oh goody, I could really do with another row with my daughter about her wanting to eat this in the car when she can have it in two minutes when we get home…

‘And no, I don’t feel lucky to be handed the second half to eat as a ‘special present’ after you’ve licked it!’

  1. On being handed Mini-me’s sixth ‘artistic masterpiece’ of the week from nursery…

‘Oh goody, another piece for the ‘very special art folder’ – otherwise known as the filing system before the recycling bin…’

  1. When telling Mini-me at bedtime that I’m just on my way up (again) with water/ to deal with miniscule and possibly imaginary insect/ to read third book of the evening…

‘Will you PLEASE just go to ******* sleep! I want to down a glass of wine and watch Teen Mom OG!’

 

  1. When debating with Mini-me the likelihood of her being given her third custard pot of the day…

‘Where the bloody hell does she put it all?!’

 

  1. When dropping off both my kids at nursery…

‘Hooray! Some actual time to myself to work/ read Grazia/ watch some crap on TV!’

 

  1. When dealing with yet another exploding nappy…

‘Brilliant – more sodding poo-stained laundry…’

 

  1. When promising to do yet another jigsaw with Mini-me…

‘Can’t I just sit here with my hot drink and watch MTV?! Please!!!’

 

  1. When trying to immerse myself in art projects and/or cooking with Mini-me…

‘Isn’t this what nursery is for?!’

 

  1. When trying to do my daughter’s hair…

‘If you don’t stand still for one minute while I try to make these bunches look semi decent I may have some kind of breakdown!’

 

  1. When greeting hubby and kids after a trip running errands…

‘How the **** can the house get this messy in just two hours?!’

 

  1. When negotiating with either/both the kids over teeth cleaning…

‘I haven’t got the energy. Are their teeth really going to drop out if I leave it just this once?!’

 

  1. When watching the other half dress one or both of the children…

‘I can’t go out in public with them looking like this!’

 

No doubt more to follow…

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